Thoughts
by immagina
Summary: A belated SenRu Day ficcie. One night, Sendoh contemplates on a person close to his heart... and a person who captured his heart. R&R!


Title: Thoughts 

Author: chescaOtaku

Pairings: SenRu

Rating: PG-13 (for shounen-ai content)

Genre: Shounen-Ai

Status: One-shot, completed [from Sendoh's POV] 

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply. And as much I wish to have those bishies…I can't and you know why. =(

Synopsis: One night, Sendoh contemplates about a certain person close to his heart…and a person who was captured his heart. ^________^ 

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T h o u g h t s 

I love you, Kaede.

How I long to whisper those words to his ears, to say it in front of his tantalizing sapphire eyes. How I yearn to envelop him in my arms, feeling his soft breathing penetrating through my skin. Ah, I guess I truly am hopelessly in love. But take note: it's not a she, it's a _he. _And not just any other he. It's a certain fox-eyed boy by the name of Rukawa Kaede. The Super Rookie and Shohoku's Ace. Some—no, some is an understatement—practically the _whole world_ will be stunned and crazed to hear this, ne? Sendoh Akira, in love with a _walking block of ice_? Heh, they must think that cows must be singing or the world has gone mad. But, really, I don't give a damn. I know it's not normal but… I don't think there's such thing as that anyway. Now, I am sure I have fallen hard. _Very _hard. 

I really don't know where it started; if it was during our practice game with Shohoku or when he collapsed from exhaustion during the game with Kainan or when the deciding game for the InterHigh happened. The feeling just evolved, grew, blossomed and before I knew it, I want to be with him every moment, want to cuddle him in my arms, want to caress his face…erm…you get my point. Whenever I play basketball on my own, I always imagine his figure in front of me, trying to block my shot, sweat trickling down his body and a face full of determination and life. Then I do some fakes, dribble the ball, and try to surmount his tight defense and score. And whenever I succeed in doing that, I smile to myself and think of him. Ah, how he inspires me. Sometimes, when we do some practice games in our training, I always envision his form, guarding me. And that enables me to strive more, play harder and give my best. Maybe that's why people believe I'm such a menace, a player who has it all. If only they know the reason behind that…

It surprised me the first time I went to Shohoku and challenged him. I did not expect he would agree. When I met his eyes, I saw burning passion. A fire that fuels something inside him. I knew that very moment it was just a pure desire _to beat_ me…not a pure desire of wanting _to be _with me. I can still remember how I mentally kicked myself for thinking such things, when I know that basketball is all he ever thinks and values. And to beat me will be a remarkable stepping-stone for him, for reaching his dreams. And so he packed his things and showed me the way to a nearest park and played. After that one on one, our games together after training became a routine. Sometimes, if their training ends early, he's the one who picks me up from Ryonan, and from there we walk in companionable silence until we reach a basketball court. At times, when I succeed in persuading him to take dinner with me, I treat him to a restaurant and drive him home. He was reluctant at first, but I managed to get him to agree. I then realize what I am missing all those years of my life, how boring, how plain my life is, before him. His silence is comfortable and his presence is soothing. And I guess my smile makes him lighter, makes him free from all the doubts. Whenever he's down, I am there for him, whenever he needs my help; I'm always beside him. And he does that too, in his own unique way. Then with unspoken language, we knew deep within us that a friendship bloomed into life, a bond that entwined our souls, and a chain that keeps us together. 

And from that friendship, rose a more intimate feeling. A much deeper one.

 _Love. _

I am afraid at first to admit it to myself, for the fear of being rejected. Rejected by the society who judges only on the outside, and rejected by a person who gave me a new meaning of existence. And I never _ever _want that to happen. So I avoided him for a while, but soon realized that what I am feeling is not and _never_ wrong, for love knows no boundaries and that I have nothing to fear. When I visited him once more in his school, his eyes are empty and I know the reason why. I wanted to punish myself for hurting him like that; for bringing him pain when I'm supposed to bring him happiness. And so I apologized and explained to him things that happened. But I never told him how I feel. I am not yet ready. But someday…I know, I'll face him and whisper to him what I truly feel. I don't want to shock him; I want to give him some time. That's why I'm showing him hints and the least of hints of how much I love him. And deep inside, someone tells me he understands. 

Sometimes I imagine both of us sitting on an old bench beneath a huge Sakura tree, catching the mild fall of each leaf with our hands. I also imagine that we are together, his head rested in my shoulder, sleeping soundly on a bright, sunny day at the beach. I also imagine us fishing together, laughing and smiling and watching as a new dawn arises. And I am certain that those imaginations of mine will be turned into reality. 

I wonder what he's doing now at Josei High. He told me they will have a training camp at Shizuoka and will have a practice game with one of the Top Eight teams in Japan. He told me he might be gone for a few days or so. Damn…I miss him already…if only there's a phone there so I can contact him… But, oh well, I know he's tired. Wondering if he's sleeping now? Heh, knowing Kaede…I tried to suppress a giggle as I imagine his sleeping form, not to metion the drooling thing. Kae-chan…and I guess that's one of his traits that attracted me to him. Anyway, I know they will beat Josei. He's with them. He _can_ do it. And I trust in him. 

I look at the wall clock in my room and realize that it is getting late. I have to sleep or else Taoka-sensei will reprimand me again for being late, especially now that I am the team's captain. 

I finally closed my eyes, and tucked myself underneath my blankets. Deep slumber is on its way, but the picture of my friend—and soon to be lover—flashed in my mind. And again, I said silently the three words I've been longing to tell him. 

_I love you. _

**~*Owari*~**

**a/n::. **Hiya!!! Wow…I'm glad FFn is up now…hope that problem's solved. Anywayz, I took a break from "At the End of the Road" (erm…a long break indeed…tee hee…) and wrote a SenRu for a change. I was inspired by the fics Crystal wrote that were posted on several sites…so here. A 'spur-of-the-moment' ficcie. And btw, a belated SenRu Day ficcie!!! ^________________^ Belated Happy SenRu Day minna-san!!! 

Anywayz, hopefully, At the End… will be posted next week here…I just have lots of things to do this days and I'm glad…walang pasok this Mon and Tues!! hehehe… -.-;; erm….

Ok, pls review and if you have any further comments, feel free to mail me at chesca14316@yahoo.com. Ja!! O.o…it's quarter to 12…teee hee…it _is _getting late..or should I say, it's late already? Anyway…  Pls. Review!! ^______________^  **.::**


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